Not very Chinese

My mom recently commented about my tastes in things. She mentioned that I like to listen to Malay songs and liked to watch Japanese anime and Korean movies, a very mixed pot of tastes. I added that I professed an Indian religion and speak English as my mother tongue. So, I asked my mother which part of me is actually Chinese.

I have come to realise that I feel rather different now as I do not really feel very Chinese. For some reason, I seem to be the only one in my family who feels this way. While both of my parents were brought up in traditional Chinese families (so they are perfectly understandably Chinese), my sister and I were both brought up in a different way. However, our life experiences have brought us in opposite directions.

My sister has been recently interviewed by a popular local Chinese female magazine for an article on motherhood. Although the interview was conducted in Mandarin, my sister had no problems fielding the questions. She has even begun to speak Mandarin at home. All this was very surprising to me, considering the fact that we were brought up the same way and did not attend Chinese school.

I think that the reason for this difference is because of my love for computers. In the hardcore computer world, the only thing that separates individuals from one another is skill. You either belong to the world of users or the world of hackers. With my skills, I easily joined the latter and our kind generally did not care much for what each other looked like, much less anything else.

As a result, I am less superficial and have learned to see people and things, beyond the surface. The only bit that is probably Chinese about me is my genes (if you can actually draw a genetic definition) and even then, I wouldn’t know how pure it is considering that I have some Peranakan blood in me. If race was a state of mind, I would certainly not be Chinese.

So, it is rather difficult for me to still check the “Cina” box on any forms that I have to fill. I just do not feel Chinese enough to actually check the box. I think that from now on, I will just check “lain-lain” (others) on any forms and fill in “unknown” or “n/a” in the field provided.

PS: This is not to say that I don’t like Chinese things. I do listen to some Chinese tunes, watch some Chinese movies, eat some Chinese food, dream of Chinese women.